What if…?  This question can consume us, can’t it?  It can literally stop us in our tracks and paralyze us in fear.  It can be a dream crusher and a hope buster. And it’s a fairly common question that comes up as we consider BIG decisions in our lives.

In this election season alone, I would bet that many of us have asked ourselves this question more often than we care to admit.  I know I have.  When we’re faced with a decision, we can “what if” it to death.  And it’s interesting that what follows the “what if” usually has a negative spin to it.  What if Hillary Clinton becomes president?  What if Donald Trump is elected into office?    And each side says, “Can you imagine, he’ll….or she’ll…?”  You can watch the news, listen to the radio, pick up your phone, or log onto your computer and hear peoples’ opinions on who you should vote for and countless speculations on what will or will not happen if that particular candidate is elected.

We don’t know yet what the outcome of this presidential election will be and with one day left before we get a clearer sense of the results, I wanted to share something that I heard this weekend that I felt was worth sharing.  Our pastor’s message reminded me of what to keep top of mind when we’re facing difficult choices or decisions and we’re overwhelmed with “What if…” questions.

Living our lives in fear of what is to come is not a good look.  So what do we do?  If we call ourselves Christians, we must remember who Jesus is.  We have to think about the names for God.  And in doing so, find courage and hope.  It’s difficult to grasp because we tend to change like the wind.  On the other hand, Jesus is unchanging.  He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.  He is…

• God
• All powerful
• All knowing
• Almighty
• King of kings
• Lord of lords
• Our rescuer
• Our protector
• The beginning and the end
• The alpha and the omega
• Counselor
• Father of all
• Deliverer
• The Most High over all of the Earth
• Redeemer
• The Light
• The Holy One
• Messiah (The Chosen One)
• Light of the World
• Savior
• The Rock
• Good Shepard
• Everlasting
• Creator of the heavens and the earth
• The initiator and sustainer of our faith
• Immanuel (God is with us.)

The list of names for Jesus goes on and on.  It’s critical for you and I to remind ourselves that God is there.  In ever detail.  In every situation.   He’s present right there in the midst of our “What if…?” questions so we don’t need to fear.  This week, God already knows who’s going to be the next president of the United States and he wants you and I to know that it’s going to be ok.  Not because of who’s elected, but because of who he is.  And whose we are.  As sons and daughters of Christ, he is with us no matter what the outcome.  And not just with the presidential election, but with anything and everything we face.

So “what if” we asked ourselves these questions starting right now?  “What if” we really believed that God is who he says he is?  How could you and I begin to live differently?  What would we begin pursuing if we really started to own this?  What would we move  toward in faith instead of shy away from in fear?  “What if” we took time to reflect back and see how faithful God has been in the bible, in others’ lives, and in our own lives?  Let’s challenge ourselves to start ending our “what if” questions on a positive note.  And in doing so, “what if” we became a little more confident, more hopeful, more brave, more trusting, more calm, more assured, and more encouraged about our future?

 

 

An awesome friend and colleague shared this image with me. When we ask someone how they are doing, we often get this answer- “I’m fine.” Be mindful that there is often a lot more going on beneath the surface of the word “fine.” We know this to be true for ourselves, but we don’t always extend that grace to others.

P. S. I posted this on Facebook recently, but I know some of you aren’t using Facebook so I wanted to share it here.

My two-year-old son, Joe, has a few favorite words right now. It will come as little surprise to most of you that topping off the list are “no” or “NO, NO, NO” if he really wants to get his point across and “mine.” Just recently though,  he’s learned a new phrase to say, “I’m stuck!” He echoes this repeatedly when he’s anywhere he wants to be removed from- his highchair, his crib, or his car seat- just to name a few. By saying “I’m stuck” he’s making his needs known and learned pretty quickly that help is on the way.

This got me thinking. At what point are we taught that it’s not a good idea to verbalize our need for help anymore? As we get older we are more inclined to stuff our “I’m stuck” deep down below the surface and try to appear as though we have it all together.  We start to believe that nobody feels “stuck” like we do. We think everyone is moving on with their lives and we’re “stuck” in this hole we can’t get out of. We may start to believe that most of the people we are surrounded by don’t have any real issues or problems.  We tell ourselves they have no idea what it’s like to be my kind of “stuck.”  We know that’s a lie, but we  convince ourselves otherwise.

In the process of burying where we’re “stuck,” we set ourselves up to miss out on all of the support that’s available to us. We close ourselves off from the love and encouragement of friends, family, colleagues, pastors, counselors, therapist, coaches, mentors, etc. We don’t allow others the opportunity to speak truth into our lives, pray for us, and point us back to our faith, beliefs, values, purpose, etc. By choosing to bottle up our “I’m stuck” we turn our backs on this help and hope we so desperately desire and need.

When we stop sharing where we’re “stuck,” we tend to put ourselves on an island where we feel there is little to no hope and we may begin believing lies like we don’t matter and that no one cares. As the years pass by, the idea of saying that we’re “stuck”and asking for help is something we can start to identify as a sign weakness, while in reality this couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s actually the point at which we can draw so much strength.  

I’m not sure what your belief system is, but in my own life I can tell you this.   I have begged and pleaded with God and asked him to remove me from situations or circumstances when I’ve felt “stuck.” And what I’ve learned is that God has the ability to deliver us FROM our challenges or take us THROUGH our challenges.  I’ve had more experience with the latter though and found that some of my most valuable life lessons have come from God delivering me THROUGH rather than FROM my “I’m stuck.”  No matter what, I think God wants us to know that there is always a way to get unstuck. To get back on track. And looking back I honestly can’t think of a time when I got unstuck alone. I think that’s by design, too. God’s desire is for us to seek him and each other when we’re “stuck.” We are supposed to be in community with one another, sharing and loving each other through the good and the bad. Speaking truth and encouraging each other to take next steps in the places where we’re “stuck.”

I don’t think there are too many peoplle who don’t feel “stuck” in some area of their life.  Or maybe it’s not that they feel “stuck” in a situation, but rather a pattern of thinking or a negative mindset. So this question still remains top of mind-What real benefits lie in hiding our “I’m stuck” from each other?  Who is it really helping?  

I’m so thankful for this @I’m stuck” reminder that came about from my toddler’s new favorite words bank.  He is modeling for me the best path to take.  So the next time I’m in a difficult place, yep, you’re going to hear me say it, “I’m stuck.”

What step can you take? Are you willing to challenge yourself to share with someone where your stuck?  Could you reach out to a friend, family member or colleague and encourage them in an area where they feel stuck?   Do you have encouragement to offer about what you do when your stuck?  If so, I hope you’ll share by posting a comment.

WARNING: This post may help you overcome your fears and accomplish more of your goals. I don’t know about you, but when it comes to goal setting I’ve been taught to set goals that are SMART-Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Timely. While this method has proved to be helpful in forming my goals over the years, it puts all of the focus on WHAT we’re going to do to achieve our goals and HOW we’re going to do it.  

The piece that’s missing is the “WHY.” Has anyone asked you, “What’s your why?” Or more importantly, have you ever asked yourself the question? What are your reasons for wanting to accomplish your goals in the first place? Your “why” is bigger than your “what” or “how.” Getting clear about your “why” has a significant impact on your overall success. I so wish someone would’ve shared this with me when I was younger. Your “why” helps you cast a vision for your future and it’s the motivating and driving force for going after what you want most in your life.    

I’ve set enough goals in my life (and I’m assuming you have, too) to know how easy it is to get stuck in the “what” and the “how.” You know the conversation. I’m going to do this, this and definitely this and here is exactly how I’m going to do it. So how do we get ourselves unstuck or better yet just avoid getting stuck altogether?  We start by thinking about and writing down our “why” and we let our “why” lead us in everything we do. (Side note: It’s OK if your “why”scares you, pulls at your heart strings, or makes you a little emotional. It should.). We then develop what we’re going to do and how we’re going to do it from our “why.” We review our “why” whenever we’re frustrated or discouraged, or experiencing a road block or setback. And we must remember that our goals don’t equal our happiness. They’re the actions or steps (the “what” and the “how”) we’re going to take on the path to living out our “why.” 

Are you guilty of looking for the results when you haven’t really made any significant changes? I’ve been here and done this. You may already know the drill. It’s a vicious cycle. You beat yourself up for not seeing the progress you desire, but deep down you know you haven’t stayed committed to the plan you laid out for yourself. You tell yourself you’re not made out for “this” and you don’t have what it takes. You don’t have enough time or money or focus or energy (and so on) so you quickly throw in the towel and retreat to your comfort zone. The desire doesn’t go away so the cycle continues.

Your “this” may be different than my “this” but this wisdom covers everyone’s “this.” We can’t expect to see a change if we don’t make a change. Can change be hard? Absolutely! But we can do hard things. We can break habits, patterns, behaviors and ways of thinking that are not serving us well. But it’s also been my experience that staying stuck is it’s own kind of hard. And the incredible thing about change is that it can lead to so much growth. Sometimes the first step is the hardest step. Because once we start making changes and seeing the results it’s easier to stay motivated towards our goals. And this isn’t just about health and fitness goals. It really applies to any of our goals.  

What’s your “this” that you’re telling yourself you can’t do? What changes can you begin making today to start seeing the changes you want for yourself and your future. I’m choosing to focus on the rewards of making changes rather than the challenges. It may seem like a small step, but it’s an important one for me.

How many times a day do you hear someone say, “I’m so busy” when you ask them how they’re doing? Lately, I’ve not only realized how frequently I hear that response, but also how many times I say that to others what I’m asked the same question. It’s like we’ve all learned somewhere along the way in life that we seem more valuable, more important, when we tell people how busy we are, how much we have going on, and, how much we have to do, and how much we’re getting done. We hear each other complain about how busy we all are, but if we listen closely I think we can detect some pride in the sharing of our busy. We’re ready for the question well before anyone asks it. We have our laundry list of things ready to share, don’t we?

It’s made me start thinking about what’s underneath my busy life and yours. Busy at work. Busy at home. Busy during the week. Busy all weekend. We are all busy managing our busyness. And days become weeks and weeks become years. Are we any closer to where we want to be in all of our busyness? Or the bigger question is are we even clear on where we want to go? And if we’re not, how will we ever know if we got there?  

It’s rare for any of us not to be pushing forward at a pace well over the speed limit to achieve our version of busy everyday. And in many cases busy doesn’t equal productive. I wonder if our busy is keeping us from our best life? Don’t get me wrong, I love my to do list. Both my written one and the one that plays on repeat in my head. But sometimes I think I can get so caught up in wanting to cross something off the list that I miss something important right in front of me. You see, that to do list, mine anyway, doesn’t include my goals, priorities, values, and dreams. Those things that are of far greater significance than my daily to do’s that get the majority of my focus. Things like 

-wanting a closer relationship with God

-my desire to love bigger in both words and actions and be the best spouse and mom that I can be

-taking better care of my myself in an effort to have a more healthy mind and body

– investing more in my relationships with my family and friends

– to better understand my unique giftings and use them more on a daily basis
-to give back and be a blessing to others

-pursuing my dream of having more freedom and flexibility to do what I love

-to coach, motivate and encourage others to pursue their personal and professional goals and dreams.

I love this quote from Stephen Covey- “The key is NOT to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” That’s definitely a shift in thinking for some of us (myself included). And the choice really is ours to make.

What about you? Can you detect times when you’ve been proud to share with others just how busy you really are? Is your busy life keeping you from your best life? Are there areas where you could benefit from slowing down and getting more clear about scheduling time for your priorities?  

Resiliency is a characteristic many of us tend to admire in others. But at the same time, it’s probably pretty safe to assume that none of us are asking for trials in our lives to help us develop more resiliency, right? We’re not actively seeking out situations where things don’t turn out according to plan.  

Our life group (through our church) is doing a book study called “If You Want to Walk on Water, You Have to Get Out of the Boat” (John Ortberg) and it talks about how we react to adversity. We typically respond in one of two ways. Some are simply defeated while others are marked by resiliency, a condition where one’s capacity to handle issues is actually enlarged, and in the end they now only survive but grow (The picture of the flower breaking through the cracked and hard-packed ground is a great illustration of this.)

Like me, you may wonder what makes the difference. Here are a few cammon themes that describe resilient people:

-resilient people don’t see themselves as passive victims; they refuse to quit and set into motion without the development of their potential, the deepening of their faith and endurance 

-resilient people stay committed to their values; they know that temptation is strongest when they are in the valley facing problems and discouragement

-resilient people insist on finding purpose and meaning in their suffering; they know that facing and solving problems brings meaning to their lives and helps them grow

We may be inclined to believe that these characteristics of resilient people are simply the result of having a strong character, but the author points out that each of these qualities actually come from a deep dependence on God.  

For the believer, this can be so hard to articulate to others. I know that seeking God and putting my full trust in him is what has helped me most in challenging times. In many ways it feels like an act of surrender to let go of what we cannot control. Probably because that’s indeed what it is. But God is faithful and I know that he has a plan and a purpose in everything we encounter. Bad news will not get the last word. It will not separate us from God. Rather, it will draw us closer to him and we will be stronger and more resilient as a result.

I’m pretty sure I need to purchase this sign and hang it in our dining room. I love the simplicity of not only the sign, but the word. Gather. To come together around a central point or assemble.  The whole idea of sharing a meal together with friends or family around a table makes me smile.  There is just something so beautiful about something so basic.  A full table.

Up until recently, Ben and I have repeatedly talked ourselves out of extending the invitation to friends and family to gather around our dining room table. We’re in the middle of remodeling. Everything isn’t finished. We don’t have a table large enough to fit everyone. We’re living in an apartment. Our house isn’t very big. What would we even prepare for the meal? What if we invite and no one accepts? Everyone is so busy. Excuse after excuse. Year after year.  And the truth is, I know we’ve definitely missed out on a number of opportunities to connect. To encourage. To extend love. To listen. To share. To open not only our home, but our hearts.

Several weeks ago we extended an invite and the offer was accepted. Having everyone around our dining room table enjoying a meal together felt so right. Actually, it was awesome!  During the meal (By the way, we ordered carry out from an Italian restaurant so there goes the excuse of what to cook), I couldn’t help myself. I had to tell everyone how happy I was that they were seated around our table. The table that I’ve been wanting to see full for years now. I wanted them to know how much we appreciated them saying yes to our invitation to gather.

It’s good for the soul to gather with others. If you’ve been holding back and making excuses, I hope you’ll challenge yourself to do what we did. Extend the invite to gather (even though all of the excuses are still there) and enjoy the blessings that follow. The company. The conversation. The fun and the laughter. The food. The entertainment. All that comes as a result of simply being together.  There’s just nothing quite like the joy found at a full table.

You matter. I mean it. You really matter. I don’t know exactly what season you’re in right now. You may be in a place where you currently don’t need reminded so my challenge to you is this–tell someone else that they matter. There’s a pretty good chance it may be the two most encouraging words they hear from anyone today. Because you know and believe that you matter, you can share the gift of mattering with others.

If you’re going through any sort of trial right now, I hope you’ll hang on tight to these words. You matter. You matter in both enormous and magnificent ways and small and seemingly insignificant ways. Our world would not be the same without your unique brand of you. You have gifts and insights that others need. You are valuable and your presence matters. Don’t lose sight of just how important you are in this world.

I tend to forget this more times than I care to admit. The endless pursuit of getting more and hoping, or even believing, that those things will fill me up and bring me the joy and happiness I am so desperately seeking can actually leave me feeling so empty and unfulfilled. It’s not that more is bad. It’s just that when we think of more as a means to happiness it will rarely, if ever, meet our expectations. In the past, I have actually believed that things like a front load washer and dryer, stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, a new car, a new house (I could go on and on) would bring me happiness. Sure, they were nice things, but they didn’t result in any kind lasting joy and happiness. In recognizing and appreciating the things we do have, especially those things we have that money cannot buy, we are reminded of just how rich we are in what matters most in life. We get to choose. Are we going to focus on seeking happiness in the “getting” or in the “recognizing” and “appreciating?”