Are you guilty of looking for the results when you haven’t really made any significant changes? I’ve been here and done this. You may already know the drill. It’s a vicious cycle. You beat yourself up for not seeing the progress you desire, but deep down you know you haven’t stayed committed to the plan you laid out for yourself. You tell yourself you’re not made out for “this” and you don’t have what it takes. You don’t have enough time or money or focus or energy (and so on) so you quickly throw in the towel and retreat to your comfort zone. The desire doesn’t go away so the cycle continues.

Your “this” may be different than my “this” but this wisdom covers everyone’s “this.” We can’t expect to see a change if we don’t make a change. Can change be hard? Absolutely! But we can do hard things. We can break habits, patterns, behaviors and ways of thinking that are not serving us well. But it’s also been my experience that staying stuck is it’s own kind of hard. And the incredible thing about change is that it can lead to so much growth. Sometimes the first step is the hardest step. Because once we start making changes and seeing the results it’s easier to stay motivated towards our goals. And this isn’t just about health and fitness goals. It really applies to any of our goals.  

What’s your “this” that you’re telling yourself you can’t do? What changes can you begin making today to start seeing the changes you want for yourself and your future. I’m choosing to focus on the rewards of making changes rather than the challenges. It may seem like a small step, but it’s an important one for me.

How many times a day do you hear someone say, “I’m so busy” when you ask them how they’re doing? Lately, I’ve not only realized how frequently I hear that response, but also how many times I say that to others what I’m asked the same question. It’s like we’ve all learned somewhere along the way in life that we seem more valuable, more important, when we tell people how busy we are, how much we have going on, and, how much we have to do, and how much we’re getting done. We hear each other complain about how busy we all are, but if we listen closely I think we can detect some pride in the sharing of our busy. We’re ready for the question well before anyone asks it. We have our laundry list of things ready to share, don’t we?

It’s made me start thinking about what’s underneath my busy life and yours. Busy at work. Busy at home. Busy during the week. Busy all weekend. We are all busy managing our busyness. And days become weeks and weeks become years. Are we any closer to where we want to be in all of our busyness? Or the bigger question is are we even clear on where we want to go? And if we’re not, how will we ever know if we got there?  

It’s rare for any of us not to be pushing forward at a pace well over the speed limit to achieve our version of busy everyday. And in many cases busy doesn’t equal productive. I wonder if our busy is keeping us from our best life? Don’t get me wrong, I love my to do list. Both my written one and the one that plays on repeat in my head. But sometimes I think I can get so caught up in wanting to cross something off the list that I miss something important right in front of me. You see, that to do list, mine anyway, doesn’t include my goals, priorities, values, and dreams. Those things that are of far greater significance than my daily to do’s that get the majority of my focus. Things like 

-wanting a closer relationship with God

-my desire to love bigger in both words and actions and be the best spouse and mom that I can be

-taking better care of my myself in an effort to have a more healthy mind and body

– investing more in my relationships with my family and friends

– to better understand my unique giftings and use them more on a daily basis
-to give back and be a blessing to others

-pursuing my dream of having more freedom and flexibility to do what I love

-to coach, motivate and encourage others to pursue their personal and professional goals and dreams.

I love this quote from Stephen Covey- “The key is NOT to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” That’s definitely a shift in thinking for some of us (myself included). And the choice really is ours to make.

What about you? Can you detect times when you’ve been proud to share with others just how busy you really are? Is your busy life keeping you from your best life? Are there areas where you could benefit from slowing down and getting more clear about scheduling time for your priorities?  

Resiliency is a characteristic many of us tend to admire in others. But at the same time, it’s probably pretty safe to assume that none of us are asking for trials in our lives to help us develop more resiliency, right? We’re not actively seeking out situations where things don’t turn out according to plan.  

Our life group (through our church) is doing a book study called “If You Want to Walk on Water, You Have to Get Out of the Boat” (John Ortberg) and it talks about how we react to adversity. We typically respond in one of two ways. Some are simply defeated while others are marked by resiliency, a condition where one’s capacity to handle issues is actually enlarged, and in the end they now only survive but grow (The picture of the flower breaking through the cracked and hard-packed ground is a great illustration of this.)

Like me, you may wonder what makes the difference. Here are a few cammon themes that describe resilient people:

-resilient people don’t see themselves as passive victims; they refuse to quit and set into motion without the development of their potential, the deepening of their faith and endurance 

-resilient people stay committed to their values; they know that temptation is strongest when they are in the valley facing problems and discouragement

-resilient people insist on finding purpose and meaning in their suffering; they know that facing and solving problems brings meaning to their lives and helps them grow

We may be inclined to believe that these characteristics of resilient people are simply the result of having a strong character, but the author points out that each of these qualities actually come from a deep dependence on God.  

For the believer, this can be so hard to articulate to others. I know that seeking God and putting my full trust in him is what has helped me most in challenging times. In many ways it feels like an act of surrender to let go of what we cannot control. Probably because that’s indeed what it is. But God is faithful and I know that he has a plan and a purpose in everything we encounter. Bad news will not get the last word. It will not separate us from God. Rather, it will draw us closer to him and we will be stronger and more resilient as a result.

I’m pretty sure I need to purchase this sign and hang it in our dining room. I love the simplicity of not only the sign, but the word. Gather. To come together around a central point or assemble.  The whole idea of sharing a meal together with friends or family around a table makes me smile.  There is just something so beautiful about something so basic.  A full table.

Up until recently, Ben and I have repeatedly talked ourselves out of extending the invitation to friends and family to gather around our dining room table. We’re in the middle of remodeling. Everything isn’t finished. We don’t have a table large enough to fit everyone. We’re living in an apartment. Our house isn’t very big. What would we even prepare for the meal? What if we invite and no one accepts? Everyone is so busy. Excuse after excuse. Year after year.  And the truth is, I know we’ve definitely missed out on a number of opportunities to connect. To encourage. To extend love. To listen. To share. To open not only our home, but our hearts.

Several weeks ago we extended an invite and the offer was accepted. Having everyone around our dining room table enjoying a meal together felt so right. Actually, it was awesome!  During the meal (By the way, we ordered carry out from an Italian restaurant so there goes the excuse of what to cook), I couldn’t help myself. I had to tell everyone how happy I was that they were seated around our table. The table that I’ve been wanting to see full for years now. I wanted them to know how much we appreciated them saying yes to our invitation to gather.

It’s good for the soul to gather with others. If you’ve been holding back and making excuses, I hope you’ll challenge yourself to do what we did. Extend the invite to gather (even though all of the excuses are still there) and enjoy the blessings that follow. The company. The conversation. The fun and the laughter. The food. The entertainment. All that comes as a result of simply being together.  There’s just nothing quite like the joy found at a full table.

You matter. I mean it. You really matter. I don’t know exactly what season you’re in right now. You may be in a place where you currently don’t need reminded so my challenge to you is this–tell someone else that they matter. There’s a pretty good chance it may be the two most encouraging words they hear from anyone today. Because you know and believe that you matter, you can share the gift of mattering with others.

If you’re going through any sort of trial right now, I hope you’ll hang on tight to these words. You matter. You matter in both enormous and magnificent ways and small and seemingly insignificant ways. Our world would not be the same without your unique brand of you. You have gifts and insights that others need. You are valuable and your presence matters. Don’t lose sight of just how important you are in this world.

I tend to forget this more times than I care to admit. The endless pursuit of getting more and hoping, or even believing, that those things will fill me up and bring me the joy and happiness I am so desperately seeking can actually leave me feeling so empty and unfulfilled. It’s not that more is bad. It’s just that when we think of more as a means to happiness it will rarely, if ever, meet our expectations. In the past, I have actually believed that things like a front load washer and dryer, stainless steel appliances, granite countertops, a new car, a new house (I could go on and on) would bring me happiness. Sure, they were nice things, but they didn’t result in any kind lasting joy and happiness. In recognizing and appreciating the things we do have, especially those things we have that money cannot buy, we are reminded of just how rich we are in what matters most in life. We get to choose. Are we going to focus on seeking happiness in the “getting” or in the “recognizing” and “appreciating?”

We’ve all been “here” haven’t we.  In fact, some of us might be “here” right now. Unfortunately (or I might argue fortunately because of what you learn “here”), none of us get to escape being “here” sooner or later.  You know, it’s that place where we find ourselves head on with what appears to be something that wants to throw us way off course.

It’s a place that doesn’t discriminate.  Everyone gets their fair share “here.”It comes in so many different packages/forms, but it all includes some form of challenge or struggle.  Sometimes when we’re in this place it’s crystal clear for others to see and at other points it can seem invisible on the surface and make others believe we have the perfect life.  Even though we’re all wise enough to know that the perfect life doesn’t exist for any of us.  For some, it may come in the form of financial troubles where we lose a job, a house, a savings account, a retirement fund.  For others, it may be a devastating diagnosis or prognosis, a death of close friend or family member, a horrific event that leaves a community shaken.  Or a busted up relationships or a broken family and dreams, a miscarriage/infertility, or a tragic accident.  And so on.  Sometimes it can present itself as heavy emotions triggered by something in our past or even feelings we have that are  unrelated to any specific circumstance or event.

When we’re “here,” we can reach a point where we feel like no one’s been down the path we’re being asked to walk.  There’s pain down this road,  unanswered questions, fear, hopelessness, and uncertainty, the feeling that we are alone despite whether or not we have a strong support network.  It’s in this place called “here” that I’ve realized the comfort of these two simple words “me too.”  Maybe the person that says those words has walked a similar path.  Or perhaps they’ve walked a completely different path, but had similar thoughts and feelings to those that we’re experiencing.  When someone says, “me too” it can literally feel like a weight being lifted.  Another person who understands and has compassion for the difficult path we’re on.  A person who “gets it” and is willing to share with us how they are hanging on, getting by, seeking help, praying something through, pressing into their faith.  Who can you comfort and encourage today by simply saying “me too?”  We have no idea the ripple effect these two simple words can have on someone’s life.  And what a way to pay it forward if you’ve been “here” and these words have meant so much to you.